5 Things Your Toxic Relationship is Doing to Your Nervous System
Let’s just be honest for a second.
You’re reading this because you’re feeling run down and kind of icky but you’re not sure why, right? You’ve been feeling off. Tired, edgy, maybe weirdly anxious or foggy—even when life should feel fine. You’ve tried getting more sleep, taking breaks, journaling, drinking water like it’s your job. But something still isn’t right.
What if—and just hear this without spiraling—it’s not just “you”?
What if your relationship is playing a bigger role in how your body feels than you realized?
And no, we’re not talking about screaming fights or obvious abuse. Toxic dynamics can be subtle. It can be the low-key tension, the emotional ups and downs, the feeling like you have to constantly manage someone else’s reactions. If you feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells, overanalyzing every word, or exhausted even after a full night's sleep… that’s not just stress. It could be your nervous system sounding the alarm.
And sometimes, that alarm goes off quietly. It doesn’t scream, “You’re in a toxic relationship!”
It whispers things like:
“I don’t know what mood they’ll be in tonight.”
“Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I should’ve just… said it differently.”
“I can’t relax—even when everything seems fine.”
If your nervous system could talk, it might be screaming, “Girl, I’m overwhelmed!” If any of that feels familiar, here are five ways your relationship might be taking a toll on your nervous system.
Let’s dive into what could be going on under the surface:
1. You're always a little on edge—and you don’t know why.
Ever feel your stomach drop when you see their name pop up on your phone? Or catch yourself mentally prepping every convo like you’re about to walk into an interview?
That’s not overthinking and you’re not being “too sensitive”—that’s your nervous system stuck in fight-or-flight mode. When your body never knows if it’s about to get a lovely compliment or a passive-aggressive comment, it stays on alert. You start anticipating tone shifts, mood swings, or sudden cold shoulders before they even happen. Your body learns to read the room faster than your brain can process it—and that’s not just intuition, it’s survival.
So while you might look “fine” on the outside, your insides are doing full-on emotional gymnastics just to keep the peace. And over time, that constant state of bracing yourself for the unexpected wears you down.
Your appetite changes.
Your sleep sucks.
You find yourself flinching at harmless things because your nervous system doesn’t trust safe anymore.
Here’s the thing: real love doesn’t make you feel like you’re tiptoeing through a minefield. If your body feels tense every time you’re around them—or even when you think about being around them—that’s a message worth listening to. Your nervous system is on your side. It’s not sabotaging you. It’s trying to protect you.
Try this: Next time you feel your body tense up, don’t ignore it. Notice it. Your body might be picking up on something your brain has been trained to dismiss.
2. You second-guess your own feelings… a lot.
You used to feel confident. But lately, you overthink every word. You wonder if you’re too sensitive, if you took something “the wrong way,” or if you’re being too needy for just wanting a normal level of respect. You replay conversations in your head, editing yourself retroactively. You shrink your needs to avoid “starting something.” You apologize—even when you’re not sure what you did wrong.
This is what happens when someone subtly (or not-so-subtly) makes you doubt your reality. It chips away at your self-trust.
And if narcissistic behavior is in the mix, it’s even more confusing. One minute you’re being adored or complimented, and the next you’re being dismissed, criticized, or iced out. The inconsistency isn’t random—it’s part of the dynamic. Narcissists often twist the narrative so you’re the one questioning yourself, while they dodge accountability.
You might hear things like:
“You’re imagining things.”
“That never happened.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“You just don’t know how to take a joke.”
“No one else has a problem with this—why do you?”
This kind of behavior is called gaslighting, and it’s not just frustrating—it’s destabilizing. Over time, it rewires your brain to distrust your instincts. You start outsourcing your truth to the very person who’s distorting it.
So if you’re constantly wondering whether your feelings are valid, or if maybe you are the problem, take a step back. Ask yourself: Who benefits from me doubting myself right now?
Here’s the truth: Wanting clarity, kindness, and consistency isn’t “too much.” It’s basic emotional safety. If someone regularly makes you feel confused, guilty, or unsure of your worth—you don’t need a better explanation. You need better boundaries. And maybe, some outside support to help you rebuild the self-trust you’ve had all along.
Try this: Ask yourself, “Would I tell my best friend to ignore this if it happened to her?” If the answer is no, then you deserve better, too.
3. You're mentally exhausted—even when nothing “bad” has happened.
There haven’t been any major blowups, so why do you feel like you’ve run a marathon just from texting them back or navigating a hangout?
Because emotional labor is real. If you’re constantly trying to say things just right to avoid a weird reaction. Girl, your brain is working overtime—and it’s draining.
Try this: Pay attention to how you feel after being with them. Lighter? Calmer? Or like you need a nap, a snack, and to stare at a wall for 30 minutes?
4. You're not sleeping well, and your anxiety’s showing up in weird ways.
Your body might be trying to protect you—by keeping you up at night, giving you headaches, or making you tear up for no clear reason. It’s not random. It’s nervous system overload.
When your relationship keeps you on edge—through guilt trips, hot-and-cold behavior, criticism masked as “jokes,” or emotional withdrawal—your nervous system goes into survival mode. Even if there’s no yelling or obvious fights, that constant low-level stress adds up.
You might notice:
You can’t sleep, or you wake up tense.
You get headaches or stomachaches out of nowhere.
You feel anxious before seeing or texting them—even if “nothing’s wrong.”
You cry over small things, then beat yourself up for being “too emotional.”
These aren’t overreactions—they’re red flags from your body. I know – where’s the red flag guy when you need him?! But, it’s time to start spotting those on your own. When emotional safety is missing, your nervous system takes the hit. And the more you try to ignore it, the louder it speaks.
Try this: Start tracking when your symptoms spike. You might start seeing patterns you’ve been too close to notice before.
5. You feel like you’ve lost touch with yourself.
You might not notice it now but your friends likely have! You used to be fun, spontaneous, even confident. Now you feel kind of… flat. Smaller. Like you’re constantly trying to “not cause problems” or “be chill” even when you’re quietly screaming inside. Sound familiar? You’re dimming your light because your bright sparky makes someone else feel inferior.
Stop it!
If you’re shrinking yourself and who you are just to keep the peace, that’s not peace—it’s survival mode.
Try this: Take one small step this week that’s just for you. Not what they like. Not what they expect. Just you showing up for you.
Wait—can a relationship actually make you feel sick?
Yep. And not just emotionally.
When your nervous system is constantly on edge—trying to figure out if you’re about to get affection or attitude—it doesn’t just mess with your mood. It affects your whole body.
Your brain starts pumping out stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline on repeat. That’s fine if you’re running from a bear. Not so great when it’s happening daily because of texts, tension, or that feeling of “I never know what version of them I’m going to get.”
No one needs a constant cortisol drip!! And when your body lives in that state too long? It starts to shut things down to protect you.
Here’s what that might look like:
Your stomach’s a mess. Bloating, nausea, IBS-like symptoms? That’s your digestive system reacting to stress.
You’re always tired—but wired. Cortisol overload makes it hard to rest, even when you need it.
You get weird symptoms. Headaches, chest tightness, dizziness, random aches, low immunity—stress does that.
You feel disconnected or foggy. It’s called dissociation, and it’s your brain’s way of checking out when things feel unsafe.
If any of this sounds familiar, it’s not “just stress.” It’s your body telling you that something is wrong and it’s screaming at you to get off the emotional rollercoaster!
And the more you ignore those signals, the louder they get. So if your relationship leaves you feeling emotionally drained and physically off? You’re not crazy. You’re not broken. Your nervous system is doing its best to protect you.
If something feels off, don’t gaslight yourself about it.
You don’t have to call it toxic. You don’t have to label it anything just yet. But if your body’s been sending you signals, it’s okay to listen.
You’re not being dramatic. You’re being human. And if you ever want help sorting through the noise in your head (and the knots in your stomach), we’re here.
At Wildflower Therapy Group, we help people untangle relationships that feel confusing, exhausting, or just… not quite right.
You don’t have to prove anything. You don’t have to decide today. You just have to know: you’re allowed to feel good in your own body again. And we can help you get there.
